Memory of the Day:
(2010) I'm sitting there, staring at the phone, waiting for Jessie to reply. Oh no... Dad said this would happen. I trusted her, and now she says she's keeping something from me. Oh god, if she's some 30-year-old creeper I swear to god... Suddenly, my phone trills. I hesitantly open the new text message and read: "I have this thing with putting my real name on the internet... Jessie is actually my middle name... My real name is Laura..." A wave of relief sweeps over me. Oh thank god...
This year, I've developed many pen pals for support with my... eating issues. Lauren is my fifth. The others are (in order) Victoria, Sherry, Samie, and Ana. I'm not really close with any of them except Samie. But I just met Lauren last week and we're already texting ALL DAY LONG and swapping pictures and I feel like I've known her for years.
She lives close to New York and I live close to Hollywood. I've always wanted to go to go there, and she's always wanted to come here. However, thanks to all those sick, psychopathic, child molestors out there, many parents have trouble believing that someone on the internet could ACTUALLY be who they say they are. Now, I'm not stupid. I knew that Laura might not be who she said she was, but after the pictures and the wording of her texts, I know she's who she says she is.
So I told asked my dad if I could go to New York this summer to visit a friend (to see what he would say). The conversation went as follows:
Me: Hey Dad, can I go to New York this summer to visit my friend?
Dad: Who do you know in New York?
Me: Jessie.
Dad: Who's Jessie?
Me: A friend...
Dad: *sigh* And where do you know Jessie from?
Me: .........the internet?
Dad: *rantrantrant fuckingcrazy rantrantrant childmolestors rantrantrant*
Me: She's not child molestor! Calm down...
Dad: *rantrantrant youdontknowanything rantrantrant sogullible rantrantrant*
Me: Fine! I'll go next summer when I'm 18 and you can't stop me!
Dad: *rantrantrant getyourselfrapedandkilled rantrantrant letsbeanidiotic rantrantrant*
Me: *sigh* Walking away now...
Soooooo... point being: New York trip this summer? Probably not. Next summer? Ohhh yeahhhhhh:DDD
Words of the Day:
Jessie: orangey yellow
Laura: light blue/periwinkle
summer: yellow/red
internet: reallyyy confusing... grey/orange/green/blue/green/orange/blue/green (SIGH)
pen-pals: purple! with a bit of orange at the end of pen and yellow at the end of pals:)
4/26/10
4/24/10
My Dad the Fucking Selfish Hypocrite (via rant)
Memory of the Day:
(Today) I'm in the bedroom watching a movie on the computer. All of a sudden, it starts to beep, showing that it needs the charger. Since my dad is already in the living room, I ask if he could please grab it. He says no, he's not my 'slave' and I need to stop being so selfish and helpless and get it myself.
What. The. FUCK.
Selfish?? Helpless?? *scoff. If I'm selfish, then what the fuck is he?? I (politely) ask if he could grab the charger since he's already there and he calls me selfish. Is it just me? Am I really selfish? Maybe I am. Either way, I personally think it's pretty fucking selfish of him that he won't get off his fat ass and get the damn charger since it's two feet away and I'm watching a movie.
This isn't the first time. On Friday, I came home from school intending on going on the computer. However, when I walked in and saw that it wasn't on the desk. So I guessed that it was probably hidden in his room. Surprise surprise, I go to his room and the door is locked. Now, Idiot Him taught Sammy and I how to the lock last year. So I text him and say, "You didn't have to lock the computer in your room. If I wanted to I could just pick it open." He replies by saying, "Ha! Good luck with that. I hid all the screwdrivers." So I go to the drawer and find the screwdriver. So I text him back saying, "Then why did I just find a screwdriver in the drawer?" His reply says, "Doesn't fit." So I go to his door and pick it open. Miraculously, I open the door and (without physically entering the room) see the computer on the bed and an open package of candy that I bought Sammy last week (with my money) for her birthday. The same candy that I asked if I could have and then replace the next day. The exact same candy that he said I couldn't have because it wasn't mine. What. A. Fucking. Hypocrite. So I text back and say, "So how come I know that you ate Sammy's candy that you said I couldn't have?" So he totally goes off and says I'm grounded for the weekend because I 'violated his space' and blahblahblah...
It didn't last. It never does. Because my dad is a fucking selfish hypocrite and I cannot WAIT to get out of this shit hole and escape to My New Life aka college.
Words of the Day
dad (a solid dark green that makes a thud sound)
Matthew (mostly dark red with a background smudge of dark green and a shock of sunflower yellow at the end because of the W)
fuck (a bright, gaudy orange that makes me flinch with the pronunciation of the 'ck')
selfish (a bright yellow that flows into an earwax brown)
hypocrite (orangey yellow with a dab of green at the end because of the hard T)
(Today) I'm in the bedroom watching a movie on the computer. All of a sudden, it starts to beep, showing that it needs the charger. Since my dad is already in the living room, I ask if he could please grab it. He says no, he's not my 'slave' and I need to stop being so selfish and helpless and get it myself.
What. The. FUCK.
Selfish?? Helpless?? *scoff. If I'm selfish, then what the fuck is he?? I (politely) ask if he could grab the charger since he's already there and he calls me selfish. Is it just me? Am I really selfish? Maybe I am. Either way, I personally think it's pretty fucking selfish of him that he won't get off his fat ass and get the damn charger since it's two feet away and I'm watching a movie.
This isn't the first time. On Friday, I came home from school intending on going on the computer. However, when I walked in and saw that it wasn't on the desk. So I guessed that it was probably hidden in his room. Surprise surprise, I go to his room and the door is locked. Now, Idiot Him taught Sammy and I how to the lock last year. So I text him and say, "You didn't have to lock the computer in your room. If I wanted to I could just pick it open." He replies by saying, "Ha! Good luck with that. I hid all the screwdrivers." So I go to the drawer and find the screwdriver. So I text him back saying, "Then why did I just find a screwdriver in the drawer?" His reply says, "Doesn't fit." So I go to his door and pick it open. Miraculously, I open the door and (without physically entering the room) see the computer on the bed and an open package of candy that I bought Sammy last week (with my money) for her birthday. The same candy that I asked if I could have and then replace the next day. The exact same candy that he said I couldn't have because it wasn't mine. What. A. Fucking. Hypocrite. So I text back and say, "So how come I know that you ate Sammy's candy that you said I couldn't have?" So he totally goes off and says I'm grounded for the weekend because I 'violated his space' and blahblahblah...
It didn't last. It never does. Because my dad is a fucking selfish hypocrite and I cannot WAIT to get out of this shit hole and escape to My New Life aka college.
Words of the Day
dad (a solid dark green that makes a thud sound)
Matthew (mostly dark red with a background smudge of dark green and a shock of sunflower yellow at the end because of the W)
fuck (a bright, gaudy orange that makes me flinch with the pronunciation of the 'ck')
selfish (a bright yellow that flows into an earwax brown)
hypocrite (orangey yellow with a dab of green at the end because of the hard T)
4/23/10
My Twilight Rant- Synesthete Style
yes, world. im having a twilight rant. everyone has one, even if it isnt written down. so if you want to hear my version, keep reading. if not, shut the fuck up, stop yelling at me, and read something else:)
Memory of the Day:
(2009) I'm sitting on the couch with my friend Lupe and we're about to watch Twilight (me for the first time). My friend Monique just forced me to read it last week and I finished the series in 5 days. I'm completely (and sadly) obsessed with this series and I can't wait to see how the movie compares with the book...
God I hate the fucking series. Now, to be honest, last spring I was completely obsessed. But then the 57 trillion teeny-boppers got a whiff and totally ruined it. And don't even get me STARTED about the actors. Utter and complete shit ALL the way around- well, except the CGI in New Moon. That was pretty legit.
Anyway: as a normal name, Bella is a light blue ribbon falling through the air. Bella's personality in the book as the same color- light blue. You see, when I'm reading a book, I don't imagine a face to go with the personality. I just see a sort of illuminated human-shaped blob of color in my mind. Bella's is light blue (as I said), Edward's is gold (yes, very coincidental), and Jacob's shifts from yellow in Twilight & New Moon to dark green in Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. I think that has to do with him maturing into a wolf pack leader figure and not being so damn puppy-dog annoying.
So anyway, the name Bella is a light blue ribbon and the character Bella's personality is light blue, but that is where the similarities stop. The actress who plays Bella, Kristen Stewart, is so far from Bella's personality it's amazing. The name Kristen is mostly peach and her last name, Stewart, is mostly yellow with some green tossed in there because of the T's. And her personality is a solid, angry RED.
So basically, light blue does not = peach/yellow which does not = red.
Every movie set should have a synesthete to coordinate cast members and their characters. That movie gives me a headache to watch because of the clashing colors. It's like reading the wrong color letters- it's just wrong.
NAME (CHARACTER NAME COLOR/CHARACTER PERSONALITY COLOR/NAME COLOR/PERSONALITY COLOR)
Kirsten Stewart aka Bella (light blue ribbon/light blue/peach-yellow/RED)
Robert Pattinson aka Edward (dark blue with flecks of gold/gold/red-eggplant with dark green back round/ice blue)
Taylor Lautner aka Jacob (brown with a smudge of golden yellow/mostly forest green/forest green-gold/warm brown)
Twilight (dark blue with a light blue outline and yellow somewhere)
rant (bold red with a dash of orange for the N)
Memory of the Day:
(2009) I'm sitting on the couch with my friend Lupe and we're about to watch Twilight (me for the first time). My friend Monique just forced me to read it last week and I finished the series in 5 days. I'm completely (and sadly) obsessed with this series and I can't wait to see how the movie compares with the book...
God I hate the fucking series. Now, to be honest, last spring I was completely obsessed. But then the 57 trillion teeny-boppers got a whiff and totally ruined it. And don't even get me STARTED about the actors. Utter and complete shit ALL the way around- well, except the CGI in New Moon. That was pretty legit.
Anyway: as a normal name, Bella is a light blue ribbon falling through the air. Bella's personality in the book as the same color- light blue. You see, when I'm reading a book, I don't imagine a face to go with the personality. I just see a sort of illuminated human-shaped blob of color in my mind. Bella's is light blue (as I said), Edward's is gold (yes, very coincidental), and Jacob's shifts from yellow in Twilight & New Moon to dark green in Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. I think that has to do with him maturing into a wolf pack leader figure and not being so damn puppy-dog annoying.
So anyway, the name Bella is a light blue ribbon and the character Bella's personality is light blue, but that is where the similarities stop. The actress who plays Bella, Kristen Stewart, is so far from Bella's personality it's amazing. The name Kristen is mostly peach and her last name, Stewart, is mostly yellow with some green tossed in there because of the T's. And her personality is a solid, angry RED.
So basically, light blue does not = peach/yellow which does not = red.
Every movie set should have a synesthete to coordinate cast members and their characters. That movie gives me a headache to watch because of the clashing colors. It's like reading the wrong color letters- it's just wrong.
NAME (CHARACTER NAME COLOR/CHARACTER PERSONALITY COLOR/NAME COLOR/PERSONALITY COLOR)
Kirsten Stewart aka Bella (light blue ribbon/light blue/peach-yellow/RED)
Robert Pattinson aka Edward (dark blue with flecks of gold/gold/red-eggplant with dark green back round/ice blue)
Taylor Lautner aka Jacob (brown with a smudge of golden yellow/mostly forest green/forest green-gold/warm brown)
Twilight (dark blue with a light blue outline and yellow somewhere)
rant (bold red with a dash of orange for the N)
4/21/10
My Siblings Five
Memories of the Day:
(2001) I'm 8 years old and on a trip to Seattle with Uncle Marc (who's not really my uncle), Aunt Maria (who's not really my aunt), and their 2-year-old daughter, Alexandria Nicole. Alex is playing with her Bitty Baby doll on the floor of the hotel and I'm staring out the window into the overcast sky...
(1999) I'm 6 years old and visiting my dad and his new wife, Tanya, in California. I keep staring at Tanya's pregnant belly with the name Samantha Reese ringing in my head as I slurp down my Shirley Temple...
(2000) I'm 7 years old and staring at the doctor in shock as he hands me a picture of my half-sister, Logan Reese. Dead? But she didn't even get a chance to live...
(2002) I'm 9 years old and at the Orange County Fair with some friends on my annual California summer trip. I'm talking to Toni on the phone as she's telling me about how it's only going to be a few more days until Megan Elizabeth is born. I'm so excited for my new step-sister...
(2002) I'm 10 years old and visiting Uncle Marc and Aunt Maria for the winter holidays. Aunt Maria is throwing a fashion show and I'm so excited. But I ask her why her belly is big. She says she doesn't know, she's eating healthy and exercising but she continues to gain weight. I suggest she might be pregnant. She laughs and says that it's impossible. She had a 'special operation.' Little did anyone know that two months later Julian Anthony would become a tangible miracle...
I have five siblings:
Alex (11 going on 12) has long, wavy blonde hair, green eyes, and a sprinkle of freckles. She's about the color pink and her favorite thing to do is play with her millions of toys. She's not really related to me, but I've lived with her family the longest and she feels the most like a sister.
Sammy (just turned 10) is half-Thai, but shares my color-changing hazel eyes, loves the color blue, and spends all her time reading, laughing, and annoying me;) She's my half-sister (we share the same dad) and she spends half the week with our dad and myself.
Logan (would be 9) was my half-sister on my mom's side who died in a car crash when my mom was 6 months pregnant. She didn't make it because her lungs weren't fully developed.
Megan (7, almost 8) is a golden-haired little girl who loves the color pink, likes to read and practice her softball on the beach that is her backyard in Michigan. Her dad used to be my step-dad so I refer to her as my step-sister. We've never met, but we're planning a trip this summer:)
Jules aka Jellybean (just turned 7) has golden brown surfer hair, brown eyes, and is the cutest little boy you have ever/will ever see in your life. He loves the color green, collects Hot wheel cars, and begs me to play chess every time I visit. He's Alex's sister, so we're not technically related, but I don't really care:)
These are my siblings and also, coincidentally, my life. And even though they all have different hobbies, personalities, and parents, I love them more than anything.
Alexandria (light pink until the A, where it morphs into a baby blue, then has a fleck of pastel yellow for the 'ria')
Julian (chocolate brown surrounding olive green with a smear of orange at the end because of the N)
Samantha (hot pink with a chocolate brown smudge of a backround)
Logan (pastel yellow because of the combined golden yellow L and white O, then a bit of orange at the end because of the N)
Megan (hot magenta pink with a smudge of orange at the end)
(2001) I'm 8 years old and on a trip to Seattle with Uncle Marc (who's not really my uncle), Aunt Maria (who's not really my aunt), and their 2-year-old daughter, Alexandria Nicole. Alex is playing with her Bitty Baby doll on the floor of the hotel and I'm staring out the window into the overcast sky...
(1999) I'm 6 years old and visiting my dad and his new wife, Tanya, in California. I keep staring at Tanya's pregnant belly with the name Samantha Reese ringing in my head as I slurp down my Shirley Temple...
(2000) I'm 7 years old and staring at the doctor in shock as he hands me a picture of my half-sister, Logan Reese. Dead? But she didn't even get a chance to live...
(2002) I'm 9 years old and at the Orange County Fair with some friends on my annual California summer trip. I'm talking to Toni on the phone as she's telling me about how it's only going to be a few more days until Megan Elizabeth is born. I'm so excited for my new step-sister...
(2002) I'm 10 years old and visiting Uncle Marc and Aunt Maria for the winter holidays. Aunt Maria is throwing a fashion show and I'm so excited. But I ask her why her belly is big. She says she doesn't know, she's eating healthy and exercising but she continues to gain weight. I suggest she might be pregnant. She laughs and says that it's impossible. She had a 'special operation.' Little did anyone know that two months later Julian Anthony would become a tangible miracle...
I have five siblings:
Alex (11 going on 12) has long, wavy blonde hair, green eyes, and a sprinkle of freckles. She's about the color pink and her favorite thing to do is play with her millions of toys. She's not really related to me, but I've lived with her family the longest and she feels the most like a sister.
Sammy (just turned 10) is half-Thai, but shares my color-changing hazel eyes, loves the color blue, and spends all her time reading, laughing, and annoying me;) She's my half-sister (we share the same dad) and she spends half the week with our dad and myself.
Logan (would be 9) was my half-sister on my mom's side who died in a car crash when my mom was 6 months pregnant. She didn't make it because her lungs weren't fully developed.
Megan (7, almost 8) is a golden-haired little girl who loves the color pink, likes to read and practice her softball on the beach that is her backyard in Michigan. Her dad used to be my step-dad so I refer to her as my step-sister. We've never met, but we're planning a trip this summer:)
Jules aka Jellybean (just turned 7) has golden brown surfer hair, brown eyes, and is the cutest little boy you have ever/will ever see in your life. He loves the color green, collects Hot wheel cars, and begs me to play chess every time I visit. He's Alex's sister, so we're not technically related, but I don't really care:)
These are my siblings and also, coincidentally, my life. And even though they all have different hobbies, personalities, and parents, I love them more than anything.
Alexandria (light pink until the A, where it morphs into a baby blue, then has a fleck of pastel yellow for the 'ria')
Julian (chocolate brown surrounding olive green with a smear of orange at the end because of the N)
Samantha (hot pink with a chocolate brown smudge of a backround)
Logan (pastel yellow because of the combined golden yellow L and white O, then a bit of orange at the end because of the N)
Megan (hot magenta pink with a smudge of orange at the end)
4/20/10
Remembering Blue
Memory of the Day:
(2001) It's a summer day and I'm 9 years old. my step-dad (Shawn), step-mom (Toni), and other extended family are at Lake Michigan for the day. It smells like gasoline, hotdogs, and sunscreen. Shawn asks if I would like to go jet skiing. I'm scared, but I agree. I'm steering and Shawn is sitting behind me with Toni behind him. We go slow at first and I'm having fun. But then we speed up. I shut my eyes tight as we make a tight turn. All of a sudden, the jet ski stops. I open my eyes and look around to find that my step-parents have flown off and are treading several feet back, laughing. I can't believe I stayed on...
A couple days back, my old step-mom, Toni, contacted me. Since I haven't spoken to her since I was 9 years old, I was ecstatic. We've been emailing back and forth and she invited me to spend a week visiting with her this summer. I asked my dad and so far, it's a no. But it will be a yes. Fairly soon. I'm determined.
Today, I talked with her and what I guess I would call my step-sister, Megan, who Toni was 8 months pregnant with when I was removed from their house. We've never met, but she has already asked if I will be her big sister:)
Megan plays soccer and baseball and loves to read and write. She's never been on a jet ski because she's scared, but I assured her that your first time is always the best and to tell her mom and dad to take her. She's broken each arm once: the first time on a motorcycle and the second time jumping off a yoga ball in the livingroom. She even has her own snowmobile like I did when I was her age
August cannot come fast enough...
Megan (magenta with a hint of orange at the end- plastic feel)
Toni (shimmery seafoam green with a white outline- smells like pine)
Shawn (golden orange with a dot of light blue in the middle)
Michigan (dark blue that fades to ice blue- cold and hard like ice too)
August (cinnamon with hints of honey aorund the edges)
(2001) It's a summer day and I'm 9 years old. my step-dad (Shawn), step-mom (Toni), and other extended family are at Lake Michigan for the day. It smells like gasoline, hotdogs, and sunscreen. Shawn asks if I would like to go jet skiing. I'm scared, but I agree. I'm steering and Shawn is sitting behind me with Toni behind him. We go slow at first and I'm having fun. But then we speed up. I shut my eyes tight as we make a tight turn. All of a sudden, the jet ski stops. I open my eyes and look around to find that my step-parents have flown off and are treading several feet back, laughing. I can't believe I stayed on...
A couple days back, my old step-mom, Toni, contacted me. Since I haven't spoken to her since I was 9 years old, I was ecstatic. We've been emailing back and forth and she invited me to spend a week visiting with her this summer. I asked my dad and so far, it's a no. But it will be a yes. Fairly soon. I'm determined.
Today, I talked with her and what I guess I would call my step-sister, Megan, who Toni was 8 months pregnant with when I was removed from their house. We've never met, but she has already asked if I will be her big sister:)
Megan plays soccer and baseball and loves to read and write. She's never been on a jet ski because she's scared, but I assured her that your first time is always the best and to tell her mom and dad to take her. She's broken each arm once: the first time on a motorcycle and the second time jumping off a yoga ball in the livingroom. She even has her own snowmobile like I did when I was her age
August cannot come fast enough...
Megan (magenta with a hint of orange at the end- plastic feel)
Toni (shimmery seafoam green with a white outline- smells like pine)
Shawn (golden orange with a dot of light blue in the middle)
Michigan (dark blue that fades to ice blue- cold and hard like ice too)
August (cinnamon with hints of honey aorund the edges)
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